Cats Speak English
Have you ever recorded a video, and then played it at double speed? What did you notice about the changes in audio? Everything sounded chipmunk-y right? RIGHT. It is a fact of life that the speed of an audio wave is associated with the tone which we hear. A formula one car driving at 300 km/h zipping past you makes an impressive sound kind of like a high pitched scream (not unlike the sound that's made every time i unleash one of my trademarked sonic-boom-crotch-punches-of-death... I told Allan not to make fun of my ugly knees. Now he pees from his nose) whereas a tractor plowing wheat emits a low rumbling.
Now lets think about what this phenomenon implies. Cats. Their mewing is super high pitched, so high that it is very possible that they're actually speaking English but extremely extremely fast. My pathetically un-enlightened friends, I reveal to you the second truth of the universe. Cats ARE speaking English. They just speak far too fast for your slow brains to comprehend and so you don't know what they're saying. In fact if you slow down their speech to a level at which the average human speaks, you will find that they speak nearly 337 times faster. The last time your cat mewed at you from atop a comfortable couch, and you interpreted it as a call for food, you were mistaken. Your cat was simply singing along to "remembering you" except completing the full song in 0.557 seconds. Next time you have a chance, record the mewing, slow it down by a factor of 337 and you'd be surprised to find that it doesn't sound that much unlike the original by Tay Zonday.
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