The first basis of competition i like to call the comparative sickness of the lunchboxes. I remember for the span of junior kindergarden to grade two, i had a red plastic box that i brought my lunch in... it looked like a first aid kit (wownerd). I felt so damn stupid next to all of my friends (My definition of a friend back then was pretty much anyone who would agree with me when i said Charizard was cooler than Venusaur... is that how you spell Venusaur? Can't believe the day has finally come when i've started forgetting how to spell Pokemon...) who had the coolest freaking boxes possible. I to used wonder where they even found them, like if there was some top secret cool lunch box hut store shop retailer guy where everyone went to get their lunchboxes. Honestly, when i looked at the ones that everyone else had, I would just get an instant feeling of inadequacy. What kind of grade 3 gets that feeling huh? One who looks like a paramedic among superheroes. My friends were all honorary superheroes at the time. I know it was true because "the red ranger lunch box makes me an honorary red ranger, so i could beat up your daddy" and "i could climb on walls if i wanted to. See? i have a spiderman lunchbox, it means i could beat up your daddy". What was everyone's obsession with beating up my dad? He's actually really nice guy. Lucky for me though, sometime in grade four, my mom bought me this really freaking awesome Hot Wheels (trademark, copyright blah blah) lunch bag with tire treads on the bottom. That shut everyone up. I wish i still had it...
Immediately after lunch bag comparison followed the relative tastiness of the lunch contained within the super cool lunchbox. I find it really funny that grade fours squabble over who's lunch would be the "best-est-est" when to be honest, it's something they really have no control over. Well i guess that's not completely true. I had no control over it. Everyone else would always tell their mommies what to pack for them, and they would always get it, because they're moms are SOFFTTTT. My mom wasn't soft. If i ever asked her to give me something other than what she had already made for me (usually a PB&J sandwhich. One of the four she had tossed together that morning for her four kids who weren't very appreciative) she'd say "Sure! you can have a roast turkey for lunch instead of a sandwhich... so long as you make it yourself." Obviously i'd take the sandwich. I remember very clearly that the trump card of all lunches back then were the Kraft Lunchables Snack Packs. You know which ones i'm talking about, the plastic wrapped pre-made "meals" if you could call 5 crackers and some toppings a meal. I find it very ironic that plastic would be served in a plastic wrap. Seriously, those things were so bad for you. I don't know if anyone else read the nutrition values or even just the label, but i remember clearly that it said that it contains cheese food instead of just saying that it contains cheese. Wonder why? I'll give you a hint. It's because it's probably not cheese. It's probably a homogeneous mixture of plastic, chemicals and maybe a little bit of cardboard with rat poison to top it off. (PS. if you happen to be a worker at one of the companies i'm poking fun at, just know i'm only poking fun... well not really. It actually did taste like cardboard) Why the hell was this the trump card...
Finally, everyone would scarf down their lunch within seconds and the first person to do so would win, defeating the purpose of fighting over who's lunch tastes the best since no one really even had time to taste their lunch. Oh grade school, i miss you. Who's up for some nostalgia? Let's go buy some lunchables.
