Nuggets

Quick Disclaimer: If you are a level 99 Vegan or if you get extremely offended by discussions about eating meat and being completely insensitive about the fact that it was once a live animal, then turn back now adventurer, the coming paths are rough.

This morning I was eating one of my Justin's Trademarked Terrible-for-you-Breakfasts: Oily-greasy fried eggs, oily-greasy fried chicken nuggets, and a slice of toast drowned in butter and strawberry jam (is jam a Canadian word? I feel like Americans always say jelly but jelly sounds weird to me).

I don't know about you guys, but i'm really weird about the way that i eat my eggs. Firstly, i have to have ketchup on it otherwise i hate eating eggs because then the yolk taste just isn't as incredible as it has the potential to be with the perfect amount of ketchup. And then secondly, when i've finished eating my egg, i have the urge to use my toast to soak up the leftover yolk-ketchup dribble left on my plate.

Anyways, this morning when i was eating my breakfast i was in a hurry so i didn't think to make up a mental battle plan before tackling my food. Stupidly, i ate my yummy strawberry jam toast first, leaving me with only the oil and grease duo; a sunnyside up and nuggets. This meant that when i decided to eat my egg and there was that yummy yolk-ketchup dribble left over, i had no toast to scrape it off my plate like usual. The perfect breakfast algorithm had been broken, but i couldn't just leave that delicious dribble there to dry on my plate so without thinking twice i grabbed a nugget and started mopping it up.

It was only after i had finished all of my nuggets when I realized what I had done. I had just soaked a chicken nugget in a broken egg yolk. I HAD JUST SOAKED A CHICKEN NUGGET IN A BROKEN EGG YOLK. I HAD JUST SOAKED A CHICKEN NUGGET IN A BROKEN EGG YOLK. Do you realize what that means? I just took a dead adult chicken, and soaked it up in the popped embryo of a stewing baby of its own species. In fact, to take it one step further, that stew-bryo baby popped yolk ketchup mix thing could have been a relative of this chicken, or maybe even it's OWN CHILD. That's like me sticking you into a bathtub filled with popped ova, pouring a truckload of ketchup in it, throwing you all in a blender and just going to TOWN on that.

I felt so terrible that I almost puked. I felt so guilty i wanted to do something super selfless just to rebalance my karma. I felt so sick that I had to sit down, but i was already sitting so i stood up and then sat down again. I felt so exasperated that i had to ponder life and its meaning and how I could have possibly committed such a terrible crime.

But then i realized how good it tasted, contently rubbed my belly and went to class.

Some Guests.

A session with Allan/Winnie/Taylor /Anthony

Here's how this will work. I'm going to say a word and each of them will say the first thing that comes to mind.

Word: Mold

W: ELEPHANT ANUS!

T: cheese?

Al: silence*... green fuzzy yoo green fuzzy.

An: what? did you say something? *eats sandwich*

Word: Clown

W: ITIS!

T: i think of a clown.

Al: can we do something else?

An: *crunch crunch*

Okay this isn't working let's do riddles.

Riddle: What has five legs, is blue black and green and eats babies.

W: JUSTIN!

Al: OH! a five legged spider?

T: what's his name again? Kevin Garnett! He loves to eat babies.

Wiki'd: Two Faced

I was going to do a serious post about the world war because of the readings that i've been doing for my religion and film class but nah, seriousness is overrated.

Instead we're going to play "press the random article button on wikipedia until we get an article that isn't someone Justin doesn't know or a random country he didn't know existed, and then talk about whatever it makes him think of." It's unbelievable how many articles are on there that i have not even the slightest clue what they're referring to. Anyhow, after about 15 clicks just 2 minutes ago, i came upon the article:

"Two Faced"

Actually the first thing that i thought of was that villain in batman. You know the one. Twoface. He's got to faces, the one who has the coin flipping fetish and is about as generic caucasian as generic caucasian gets and then the other looks like the illegitimate child of Barney the Dinosaur and Freddy Cougar. Holy crap that guy used to scare me when i watched the batman movie back in the day. Now i don't mean to be incredibly inconsiderate and tactless but what the hell could have happened to the man such that very conveniently RUINED half (and only half) of his face, and bordering perfectly along the y-axis of head. Also, why the hell did it turn purple. And not like bruise purple, this guy's face looks like someone beat it with a Raptor's jersey. Before I am subjected to nerd-rage by those of you who may actually know what happened to him, I would just like to say that I actually have no idea what the story is but this is my best bet. As a young child, his family decided on a rainy afternoon to do something fun and adventurous so that he wouldn't become bored and once again fill time by deciding the fates of his neighbouring youngsters by flipping and coin and surprise-sacking those who flipped a "tails". The best idea that they could come up with was a visit to the soda factory. Unfortunately for his parents when they arrived there, young Twoface was not very amused by the tourguide's "fun facts" and decided to see if he could cop a free drink from the brewing vat. He didn't think twice about the fact that soda is so supersaturated with sugar that they have to superheat it to intense temperatures just to make water hold that much otherwise it would be rejected from the aqueous molecular structure like me from nearly every club that i try to get into. He slipped as he leaned forward, and SHAPOW. Purple disfigured face.

It now occurs to me that the article wasn't about Twoface the character but about the definition of the term. But oh well.