Nuggets

Quick Disclaimer: If you are a level 99 Vegan or if you get extremely offended by discussions about eating meat and being completely insensitive about the fact that it was once a live animal, then turn back now adventurer, the coming paths are rough.

This morning I was eating one of my Justin's Trademarked Terrible-for-you-Breakfasts: Oily-greasy fried eggs, oily-greasy fried chicken nuggets, and a slice of toast drowned in butter and strawberry jam (is jam a Canadian word? I feel like Americans always say jelly but jelly sounds weird to me).

I don't know about you guys, but i'm really weird about the way that i eat my eggs. Firstly, i have to have ketchup on it otherwise i hate eating eggs because then the yolk taste just isn't as incredible as it has the potential to be with the perfect amount of ketchup. And then secondly, when i've finished eating my egg, i have the urge to use my toast to soak up the leftover yolk-ketchup dribble left on my plate.

Anyways, this morning when i was eating my breakfast i was in a hurry so i didn't think to make up a mental battle plan before tackling my food. Stupidly, i ate my yummy strawberry jam toast first, leaving me with only the oil and grease duo; a sunnyside up and nuggets. This meant that when i decided to eat my egg and there was that yummy yolk-ketchup dribble left over, i had no toast to scrape it off my plate like usual. The perfect breakfast algorithm had been broken, but i couldn't just leave that delicious dribble there to dry on my plate so without thinking twice i grabbed a nugget and started mopping it up.

It was only after i had finished all of my nuggets when I realized what I had done. I had just soaked a chicken nugget in a broken egg yolk. I HAD JUST SOAKED A CHICKEN NUGGET IN A BROKEN EGG YOLK. I HAD JUST SOAKED A CHICKEN NUGGET IN A BROKEN EGG YOLK. Do you realize what that means? I just took a dead adult chicken, and soaked it up in the popped embryo of a stewing baby of its own species. In fact, to take it one step further, that stew-bryo baby popped yolk ketchup mix thing could have been a relative of this chicken, or maybe even it's OWN CHILD. That's like me sticking you into a bathtub filled with popped ova, pouring a truckload of ketchup in it, throwing you all in a blender and just going to TOWN on that.

I felt so terrible that I almost puked. I felt so guilty i wanted to do something super selfless just to rebalance my karma. I felt so sick that I had to sit down, but i was already sitting so i stood up and then sat down again. I felt so exasperated that i had to ponder life and its meaning and how I could have possibly committed such a terrible crime.

But then i realized how good it tasted, contently rubbed my belly and went to class.