Door Etiquette.

There are many things that i take for granted in life, but the one that i feel particularly bitchy about today is door etiquette, as brought to mind by the guy who just failed his golden opportunity to exhibit good manners just minutes ago at the front doors to the library. Door etiquette. Everyone should know it, everyone should use it. The only problem is that it doesn't exist.

I'm starting to wonder why people in Toronto don't make use of their manners when a door and a fellow human block their path. Initially i thought that maybe it's because people abandon all patience for others in the city simply due to the increased person-density. Maybe it's just too hard to be polite to all of the people who you come accross. But then again, it really only takes half a second to make a polite gesture. Either way, all this frustration could just be because i'm the only one who believes in these obscure and unsaid rules that I, personally, would never forsake and adhere to with an iron will. But, I feel manners are a part of common sense and common sense is called common sense for a reason. The key thought here lying in the word "common" if that wasn't made clear enough by my use of italics on the word common.

So, to do my part in the long battle against the unmannered, here's what should be done in two more than frustrating situations, according to my beliefs.

1.The Charger

You know when you're really cold outside in the snow and the only thing that you're thinking of is just getting indoors to a place where the atmosphere might actually be sufficiently warm enough to allow bloodflow? You walk up to the door, grab the handle, and pull it open, and just as you're about to take a step in, some guy charges through the vacant space you were just about to occupy, shoulder punching you in the process. You recoil, and slowly recollect yourself, then wounded, sad and still cold, you go through the door, but even in the well heated building, your heart feels cold.

Hey, if you're that guy who's doing the charging, don't be an ass. If the other person got to the door first, let them go through first. Their teeth are chattering and their nose is dribbling. Would you reject a puppy in a basket on your doorstep? Or would you let him into the warmth and comfort of your home? Yeah that's what I thought. Oh, and i hope you realize the irony of using the peace sign and simultaneously bloodying someone's nose.

If you're the one who just got shoulder punched, this is what you do. Turn around and follow that person inconspicuously to wherever they're headed; they're bound to come face to face with a door sooner or later. Once they come to a door, push them out of the way, enter the door, and hold it closed on the other side. If they move to another door handle, hold that one too, denying them entry to their destination JUST like they did you. When they finally break down into tears, (to achieve this reaction you may yell profanities about their parents, preferably their mother, through the glass) pretend to let them in, and right as they step over the threshold, slam the door on their nose. You will feel so uplifted.

2.The Pack Mule

You've all had one of those days when you just finished one of your bajillion labs for the day and you're carrying your backpack, 53 textbooks, your labcoat, goggles, and a Rockwell Hardness Testing Machine to your next lab. You come to a door and all you need is a couple seconds of a stranger's time to open the door for you since you know, you don't have 3 arms, but he just confirms your preconceived notion that he's a douchebag by just leaving you hanging and going through the very door that was blocking your way, opening it only enough so that he can get through and it shatters your shins as you try to hold it open with your foot when it swings back.

If you're the guy in the picture who's wearing the sunglasses, and not holding mountains of textbooks, all i have to say here is, have pity, take a tiny fraction of your day to hold the door for someone else could save their children. They would do the same for you. If you still refuse, then i hereby ban you from using the term "pce".

If you just got screwed by the sunglasses dude, then don't think twice before going Hulk on this guy's ass. Shove that Erlenmeyer flask up his nostril and wetwilly him constantly until he apologizes.

------

To all of you who have not been practicing your door etiquette. I will no longer hold back. Commit an infringement like one of the above, and you will likely suffer the consequences of my wet willies of fury. Consider yourself warned.