I just came from Tim Horton's and in the fifteen-minute-wait line i had plenty of time to ponder the characteristics of my coffee fiend routine.
1. I Never Realize How i Got There.
One moment, i'll be walking to meet some friends in a cafeteria area, and then BAM. I'm in a close-packed line, uncomfortably close to the people ahead of and behind me. The stupid Tim Horton's sign has done its job, brain-washing and conditioning me over so many years to the point where as soon as i see it, i will sub-consciously wander towards it like an ill-fated fly towards a shiny lamp death. It's become such an instinct that i don't even realize what i'm doing until the person behind me is annoyingly standing inside my personal bubble, and I notice that i'm actually standing in a line.
2. What the hell am i ordering?
To be completely honest, i can't even taste the difference between a regular, a double-double, or a triple-triple. So i'm now realizing that the whole mental debate i have with myself as I close in on the cashier is completely pointless. Nonetheless, i'm one of those people who has to sort out what they're going to say in nearly every conversation before they actually reach that point in time that they have to have the conversation, or else they just sound like a babbling idiot who doesn't know what they want. Not that it ever actually amounts to anything though, because by the time I get to the cashier i've never actually completed the decision making process and I just end up making up my order on the spot. Somehow it ends up the same every time.
"I'll have an extra large (should i have ordered extra large... ? yeah, extra large is good... it's the biggest that they offer and bigger is better. I can handle extra large, i'm a MAN.)... uhhh triple triple (... well they're going to charge me the same for a regular or a triple triple, so i might as well get TRIPLE the sugar and cream and get my money's worth. Hell yeah, fight the power.) and a boston cream donut, and a honey crueller donut."
The donuts have no thought process associated with them. Those are just a result of the glass display overpowering my self-control. I am dominated by sugar.
3. I Always Order Too Much.
My eyes are too big for my belly. An extra large coffee in theory is just about the most comforting thing to me. The full pint of heaven-sent grinds has a shining halo in my mind, but when I actually have at it, it takes quite a bit of effort to down it. I probably don't even drink that much water in a day, and the super-saturated sugar content usually has me wishing i hadn't been so gluttonous while ordering. It's always a battle to toss back the last quarter. And then i realize i have two more donuts...
Damn you Tim Horton. On top of being a great Hockey player, you're a darn good brainwasher. Stop putting crack in your coffee.
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