guilt?

After tommorow morning at 10 am, i will finally be finished with my dedications to the first year of university. Fortunately for me though, the presentation that i will be giving tommorow is worth nearly nothing, and so i have about as much motivation to prepare for it as i have for actually cleaning my room for once instead of just taking things from one pile and moving them to the next pile.

Seriously, my room is so incredibly messy, i wonder how i ever get anything done in here, but then i realize that I don't. After many years of having my own full-sized room, living in a 7 by 8 foot den (that's smaller than a jail cell btw) took a bit of adjustment at first. But now i've adjusted; the major adjustment being the reduced number of piles but increased height and girth.

Now that i'm finished all of my exams, I didn't have to head straight to the library right after my quick non-sufficient breakfast like usual, and instead spent nearly the entire day perched on my throne in this chaotic mess. Which is probably why the mess is bothering me for the first time, because i'm actually in my room for once.

I'm not one that hates changes, but one that generally fails at attuning himself to them quickly, and so I don't really know what to do with myself now that i have no commitments right now. I don't have that constant weight on my shoulders like usual or the nagging voice in my head telling me "Justin, you really shouldn't be playing a fifth Dota game, get back to pretending that you're studying". So now that i have all the time in the world to do whatever i want it's quite awkward because i still feel as if i should feel guilty for doing nothing like i usually do. I almost feel like i need to have work to do to make myself feel normal again. Hopefully a summer job will pop out of nowhere and that could be a reality.

Anyhow, i'm going to pretend that i have to go and do something important so that i will stop writing this post, because if i don't i am quite sure i could write forever about my feelings and then you would want to drive some manliness into me even more than you had already wanted to previously. So... i have to go. Believe it.